Over the past few months of recovery a few things have accumulated around the house. There's been the regular stuff that comes in the mail box which may or may not be related to the accident and then the stuff that's been picked up on the doctor visits. I've let it pile up at different spots in the house. A bit more than a week ago I decide to try and get it all in order. I put it all on my desk to file, toss, etc. as needed.
The mess sat on my desk until this past weekend. Late Sunday I spent about three hours going through everything and cleaning up my desk. I followed that up with about another hour of organizing Monday morning. The interesting part to me is the week it sat on my desk. During that week I somehow wasn't able to do the work to clear it off the desk. I don't know why I wasn't able to. I certainly looked at it often enough and thought about doing it. I just wasn't able to start doing the clean up. Then Sunday I was able to sit down and go to work on the mess.
As I've written here before it's only with hindsight that I'm able to recognize some of the deficits which I'm attributing to TBI. It's a really strange thing because at the time my perception is that things are normal. A week or two passes and I'm doing something I wasn't before and at that point I'm able to recognize that there was a deficit.
In essence I guess it could be described as changing reality day by day and week by week. One day I can't do something and it seems normal, the next week I can and that is the new normal. The good part of this is I haven't been able to tell when things aren't right. The problems might have really frustrated me otherwise. And the fact that there's been steady improvement probably helped keep me from recognizing I was stuck at something so I didn't have the time to recognize the difference and get discouraged. Of course the bad part is I'm a bit suspicious at this point when I'm not able to get right into doing something. Is it me or is it a result of TBI?
Anyway this week I'm feeling clearer than I have since becoming aware of the world again in the hospital. The really weird thing is every other day between then and now I thought I was clear. Its only with each new day that I can look back at prior days and recognize that I wasn't as clear as I thought. At some point these improvements will stop. But when, and how close am I to that point now? Recovering from cracking my head open has definitely been a very strange experience.
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